Winter…

Anti-social weather! Yep..That’s what I call winter…

…no parties, outings…nothing! Anything that has to do with getting dressed and by getting dressed I mean the whole nine yards of thermals, scarfs, gloves, hats! If I have to wear anything to keep me extra warm, I’m not having it! I’ll make up for the ‘lost times’ in summer…haha… just joking… ‘of course I’ll make it Susan, 5 pm right?’- *Side eye*…hmnnn

Thinking back to those cold nights… I’d hurry back from work, switch on my electric blanket (getting the bed nice and warm …bliss) while I take a nice shower to ‘defrost’ lol… I laugh now as I sit behind my computer miles away in 30C+ weather watching the weather forecasts for a place I once called home. Well, I do miss autumn/cold months though… leaves falling…the beautiful colors …oh…something so romantic about it all… It sure is a great time of the year to find love, be in love, and enjoy love…

The best part was weekends… O M G! I so looked forward to them …not because I didn’t have to go to work in the cold (I’d rather be walking through some street in sunny Faro and call it work… but I digress). Nope, my weekends were for catch up of my favorite murder ‘’who done it’’ series… and we had a lot, a whole lot of sleuths past and present… Lol. Poirot, Miss Marple, Endeavour and a bit of crime & investigation…. a few of my favorites…

So I’d wake up really early, get the usual things out of the way- shower, laundry, dishes, respond to text messages and emails I ‘forgot’ to respond to during the busy week haha- get breakfast- (you can check out my post Ready Steady Cook! for that experience lol) and hurry back to my toasty bed…ah, good times…

Moments later…remote control in hand, breakfast on laps, and snacks by my side…I begin my journey to paradise…First stop… Saturday morning cooking show, then a bit of James Martin in the kitchen too (yep..eye candy)…before we begin to question the usual suspects as ‘we’ attempt to solve the mysteries of ‘who done it’ this time…

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Hurry it’s about to start! Lol

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Security!

No, no, not that kind of security!  lol… I’m talking about going through security at the airport! As much as I get excited about airports, this gets to me…all the T I M E…

Airports amaze me. It’s been that way since I was a kid or should I say for as long as I can remember. Back then it was a fantastic day out…even if it was just a pick up/drop off …the various scenes that left me smiling – different folks with their bags running along, the families having lunch before that member waves goodbye, the group travelers, the lone traveler, and my favorite- the pilots with the cabin crew in tow .. life’s little pleasures…to be young again!

So back to it…yep…it’s that bit when you have to undress in front of strangers and get that ‘pat’ when the machine goes beep! lol. Initially, I used to dress up to the airport… imagine going for an interview…yep! that was me (now I’m as confused as you too lool)..why that choice? I have no clue! hahaha.. but with time I realized that wasn’t going to work especially on long-haul flights…

Firstly..going through security where you have to take E V E R Y T H I N G off (well that’s a bit of an exaggeration but to me it felt that way) especially when they give you that ‘evil look’ when you try to walk through with your socks and God forbid you to have the courage to try it with your shoes on!! Not today ma’am, take them off and put them in the tray please…(*rolls eyes* just thinking about it lol)

Secondly…mega uncomfortable on the plane if all you do most of the flight is sit in one position with so much friction from your jeans or not breathing from the tight tank top! Now its all comfortable slacks, a jumper and not forgetting my hair bonnet! haha

Let’s take a minute to remember the 100ml rule! like seriously!! You don’t even want to see me trying to squeeze just my face creams into that little bag…I actually thought of bringing my own bag once… let’s just say it didn’t happen..haha….and the worst one….me trying to hide some food in between my magazines and underwear…

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If only I could pass this through security lol

He broke my heart..

He broke my heart again…this time more than the last…or more than I remember…but strangely it seemed familiar…as if we had played this scene before…

It’s usually a long drive home, but today that journey felt shorter…or was my mind so occupied with my numerous “stop, rewind, play, pause” of the past few days…hours..?

Cupcake in hand I got into the car…i wasn’t hungry…i just needed to hold something so I wouldn’t have to write straight from my heart…yes he broke my heart…

For a brief moment I had heaven in me, he made me laugh…he made me happy…just like back then…just like I remembered…but strangely it didn’t feel real…he didn’t feel real…his actions spoke much louder than his words…he didn’t try to hide it…or maybe my intuition kicked in trying to warn me of the pit ahead…

I remained positive till the end…finally he couldn’t hide it anymore…i demanded the truth… I felt I deserved it… “I am not the one..”

I could hear the shattered pieces of my heart…falling to the ground…at that moment I was too numb to try and stop it…

I hear the other cars honking..i snap out of it…removed the imaginary tape I had been playing mentally for the past 40minutes and then it hit me…no he didn’t break my heart…he only set me free to love again…

This goodbye is done….i begin munching my cupcake as I walk through the gates…this tastes nice…and like my life from now on…I’m going to enjoy every minute of it…

Me too…

“Are you okay?” A lot of people ask this question but how many wait for a true answer…or maybe they never understand the response…

I left home seemingly happy many years ago, full of dreams as the world seemed to revolve around me somewhat. I was living life on my terms and it felt really good. Fast forward a couple of years then I found myself in a dark place… people had spoken about their experiences in the past…even read about others, but I just couldn’t understand…. But now, look at me…living it… overwhelmed by it…almost consumed by it…

I blamed it on many things… T’was happening to me because of ‘this’ person, ‘that’ situation or what they did/did not do… I wanted so desperately to link it to something…just so it wasn’t my fault I felt this way…that I had such damaging thoughts… There were days I literally couldn’t get out of bed…I was mentally exhausted, had reached the end of coping…hoping…keeping it together…and of course my work suffered which wasn’t a surprise, my social life was non-existent…all I wanted to do was just lay in bed, cry and think of all the things wrong with my life and whether or not anyone would miss me if I was gone…

This might sound familiar, right? Yes, depression is real…very real…but where I’m from, it’s sort of a taboo to think of it let alone embrace it…In the early days this led to me suffering in silence, pretending all was ok when it was far from it. That was the worst thing to do in this situation… looking back now, what got me on my road to healing was having someone I could confide about what was going on in my life and most importantly in my head…

Michael* was patient with me…he understood I was in a dark place and didn’t want to force me ‘to get a grip’ … every day he’d always ask ‘are you ok’? And he meant it… days I felt my worst were days he’d probably not forget in a hurry… For me, it meant so much that I had someone looking out for me… someone who genuinely cared…and who was in my corner….that gave me hope…but he wasn’t qualified to deal with what I was experiencing so he encouraged me to seek help….I did… Remember, at the end of the day… it’s just you, your mind and everything you allow to pass through it…

They’re all around… seemingly happy but fighting a multitude of demons no one else can see but them, us…

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For you never know how much that one phone call…an invite to have a cuppa or something as simple as sitting in the park together watching the birds would mean to them…to me…

Holiday Mementos!

Guess I might be the only one who’s got a bunch of key holders for most of the countries/cities visited? I hope not. Lol. It’s crazy how looking at them brings a smile to my face not to mention the many memories that follow…

It started with me getting an item from each place I visited…it could be clothes or something to wear for the next holiday. Let’s say for example, when in France I’ll buy a scarf to use on my next trip to Madrid and so on.

This particular day changed all that… Fresh from vacation on my way back at immigration (another post for another day *rolls eyes*). I had this puff fur ball whatever (it was in vogue then…don’t ask me lol) key holder and we were about to go past security and I brought it out. What horror!!! Isn’t it funny some items you own seem ‘normal and decent’ when you’re in your home or space (e.g. laptop/tablet screen, key holder, wallet etc.) but the moment you bring it out in public you’re like >>> what the heck, why does it look so old, torn, dirty… (You fill in the gap) hahahaha. Well this happened with my fur ball key holder and it was absolutely horrendous! My God, if it didn’t have my house and car keys on it I would simply pretend it wasn’t mine and walk past it! Lol

So I hurried to duty free to get a new one, quick! I couldn’t decide initially but eventually an idea popped into my head! Why not get a key holder that symbolises the culture of the people! That was how my journey to mementos begun! Now when you see me trying to get into my house or car and struggling, it’s not that I can’t find my keys- it’s just that I have to go through all these souvenirs to find them! Hahaha…

I remember how conscious I was when leaving home each morning in a house full of people and there I was trying to lock up with all the noise coming from my keys…lol…oh well at least they know it’s me when I walk through the door!

Over time it’s become dear to my heart; especially during the periods in my life I had to stop traveling…just looking at them brought so much joy and even inspired this post…Yep, I was about going to get some food (lol what else) and the ‘slipper from Ibiza’ popped into view…good times…

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Thowback to Venice…

Enjoy the moments…so when they’re no longer there you can say you lived well…I sure can!